Have you ever noticed that, with all the guides for victims about how to get out of an abusive relationship, there's nothing for the abusers? As someone who has been the victim, I understand the need for that literature. A lot of the times, victims don't know how to get free. I've been there, I get it.
At the same point though, I think we need similar literature and resources for the abusers. Granted, I can't talk for anyone else, but, in my situation, I was desperate to change. I hated knowing what I was doing to The Fiancée. I loved her more than life itself; knowing the amount of pain I was causing and damage I was doing was sickening to me. I was tempted to kill myself so many times, even when she begged me not to, because I thought, at least that way, she would be free of me and the pain I was causing. I looked many times for help. I found little in way of published help, and none of the local programs would take me. They all only accepted those who were court ordered into treatment. (Can I take a second to say how foolish that is?! Why not help stop the issue before it ends up in court?!)
While I would never go so far to say that my abusing The Fiancée made me a victim as well, I was stuck in the cycle of abuse as much as she was. I couldn't figure out how to get free. I wanted resources that weren't there. I don't see how we can expect things to change in abusive situations if we don't offer the person causing the problems avenues to pursue change.
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