There's no such thing as a bad person.
There are people who make terrible, horrible, heinous decisions.
But those decisions do not define them as a person.
The man who raped me on Saturday? Made a decision that has ruined this part of my life. I detest him right now. The thought of him very literally makes me physically ill. Yet, somewhere in me, I know he isn't evil nor terrible. No matter how bad someone's actions are, they do not define their personhood or their soul.
The first person who ever abused me and triggered the start of my BPD? Many terrible, hurtful decisions were made that hurt me and still affect me years later. Yet, I don't think he's a bad a person. I can see how hard he tried. I could see how so many decisions made by those around him affected who he grew up to be and the decisions he made. It did not make him evil; it made him hurt and wounded. It doesn't excuse his actions. He should have grown past them and known better. But, at some level, it makes his actions easier to grasp and understand. He made wrong choices, but his choices weren't made in a vacuum. They were made as the culmination, at that point in time, of exactly who he was, even if it meant he was more than a little broken.
At some level, I hope that applies to me, though the thoughts that run through my head do think I am evil and terrible and, yes, that dehumanizing "monster." I can see the decisions and influences and hurts that influenced me. I can see the mental illness that wreaks havoc on my mind, even when heavily medicated. I can see the contributing factors that I hope make me a person with a severe mental illness who makes bad terrible decisions, rather than just a bad terrible person.
I had a therapist tell me that, no matter how seemingly horrific or illogical a decision we make may seem, in reality, that decision, at that moment in time, for that person, makes perfect sense for our experiences and in our mind. I'd like to believe that it's true. Even if it's not, though, I don't believe a person can be evil.
I have to respectfully disagree with you here. I think they're few and, for the most part, far between, but evil people? Oh yes, they're out there.
ReplyDeleteMama, I can definitely see where you're coming from with that. I still halfway think that, too. Otherwise how do explain Hitler and people who do awful things to children? I guess the reason I can't believe people are evil is because I don't believe anyone was born evil. They were conditioned into the person they became. Whatcha think?
ReplyDelete