PTSD is a BITCH, y'all

     I never knew that PTSD could occur immediately after a traumatic event. I pictured it like you see with our vets, setting in over the months as they return home from the battle field. I thought it to be a slow-onset disease, seeping slowly into someone's mind like small repeated doses of arsenic. It had to have been the only psychiatric disease I hadn't researched; it had no bearing on my life. That is, until it did.
     I now have sudden onset PTSD, thanks to my rapist and what he did to me. I'm in constant fear for my safety. Entering an empty room or building sends me into a panic attack. I am perpetually convinced something bad will happen to me. Elevators aren't useable. Dark is paralyzing. I can't make eye contact, even with women, and I can't even look at men's faces. Not my step dad's, not my favorite professors, not even my dad over Skype. I stare somewhere over their shoulder and hope they know it's not because of them. I made my mom sob when I freaked out after my step father hugged me. I have to sit in corner's now, so nothing is out of my peripheral vision. Crowded places are nearly unbearable. An hour in public is exhausting, now, because I'm so on guard all the time. Even getting up in front of the class to ask a question is a monumental task.
     I've finally seemed to figure out my (hopeful) solution for this. I'm getting a psychiatric service dog, because between the PTSD, the BPD, and the Generalized Anxiety Disorder/social anxiety, it counts as a disability under the ADA. This means that, once reasonably trained, I will have full public access with my service dog. I am getting a letter from my therapist, have run it by my landlord (I live in a dog friendly complex anyways), and have sent in my application to three dog rescues. I'm planning on getting a German Shepherd Dog. I was wavering between a Golden Retriever and the GSDs, since they're typically so successful as service dogs, but the friendly reputation for the Goldens isn't something I want. I'm nervously awaiting a response from the rescues, so we'll see where we go from here. It's funny, really, since I'm not much of a dog person. Still, the idea of a dog who can help me with the things I just can't accomplish anymore and will be with me always is reassuring. Any name suggestions yet? My dad says I've got to go with Fritz... yeah, not so much.