Visibility

     Perhaps one of the biggest, visible changes since I've started accepting and embracing the fact that, regardless of the label of my diagnosis, is that I've stopped working so hard to hide it. I rock in public more than ever and I stim, though still in predominantly socially acceptable ways, in public now. I'm learning that areas that I struggle in are actually because of my neurotype, not because everyone else just learned it more efficiently and skillfully than I managed to. Funnily enough, that actually took a lot of shame away from that for me. I'm a lot more open with asking questions or putting information out there. I'm terrible with accurately perceiving sarcasm, so I've started asking to make sure I don't end up spending hours later trying to analyze things. I'm paranoid that I'm bothering people and forcing them to hang out with me, so I've figured out that I can unobtrusively make sure I'm not "keeping someone." I'm open about the fact that I'm terrible with texting people first, but very committed to texting you back. It was also great to realize that my inability to innately grasp idioms is actually pretty common with others like me, because we end up picturing it literally. I always thought it was a personal failing that I worked desperately to cover up. Now, even just yesterday, I actually clarified with The Professor on two English idioms that he used that I was lost on. (Funnily, I'm great with ASL idioms, because they've actually been taught to me so I've memorized them as part of my vernacular.)

     I'm not sure this has necessarily made me more likeable or easy to hang around with (how many people really like the trans*guy with a service dog who makes weird facial expressions and spews out random information), but goodness has it made me significantly better at living now that a lot less of my energy is devoted to passing as completely normal. I can recognize those bizarre traits that I was ashamed of as not personal shortcomings, but markers of membership in a community of neurodiverse people. And, really, that's not so bad, even when I'm a little different than the norm.