Aspie-ness

     I had another appointment with The Shrink this morning. Funnily enough, she definitely thinks I have Asperger's. It's nice to hear that from a professional that actually knows what she's doing; I didn't especially trust the therapist who had originally suggested it, even if I did agree with the diagnosis. Ironically, when I first told The Shrink about the likelihood that I'm an Aspie, back during our first meeting, she dismissed it because I can pass as neurotypical so well.

     Today, though, she finally got a glimpse into why I was diagnosed with that. I don't have a natural ability to read people's facial expressions to know their emotions. To make up for that, I learned them like you would learn a foreign language. Keep in mind, until only recently, I didn't realize that was out of the norm; I though everyone had to learn to read emotions like that and I was just worse at learning it than they were. I'm great at reading embarrassment and I can tell positive emotions from negative ones. Outside of that, though, it's hard for me because the tells for each emotion are so similar and vary between people. (Ironically, this has made people think I'm good at knowing when something's up, because I'm very prone to asking what they're thinking to mask my inability to actually /know/ when they're feeling an emotion.) That happened today during the appointment; I'm supposed to email The Shrink daily so she doesn't worry that I've done something. I didn't keep in touch with her this past week because I was too overwhelmed. When I saw her today, it was clear she was something-negative at me; I assumed she was upset when, in reality, she said she was worried. We got into a discussion about how I had to learn to understand people's emotions like that; she brought up the Asperger's at that point, commenting that she understood why a previous shrink had suggested it and agreed that it was likely I have it. Now, if only she could see me stim when /I'm/ feeling emotion; there'd be no doubt left then!