Not "We"

     My first semester at my university I encountered a professor whom I couldn't stand. He proudly announced his ally status for any and all minority communities, bragging about how young he was when he started marching and protesting. He made the comment that he and his wife (our department chair) didn't want to get married until it was legal for everyone but they "needed the legal protections marriage offered." This cemented my dislike of him. I would never have though anything of him being married until he brings queer issues into it; I don't know about other people in same-sex relationships but DAMN would I like some legal protections in my someday marriage. His ally-ness to my queer community meant little to me if his attitude was so poor.

    Thanks to my BPD splitting, the next semester, I ended up really coming to respect and idolize him. I could see his commitment to the work that he'd done and was still doing. I could see the dedication and the empathy he had for minority groups. I overlooked the red flags that had repeatedly eaten at me the semester before. When he told me that he didn't like my choice of pronouns and didn't want to use them, I looked the other way.

     Now, that brings us to the current semester. We're finishing up the 12th week of it, so I've been in my third class of his for a bit now. I will preface this by saying my perception may or may not be skewed by him due to splitting and an inability to decide to stay on meds or not. That aside, I keep seeing more and more problematic behaviours from him. On one occasion, when discussing education of Deaf children, he repeatedly said that you'd never find someone more invested than him in schools for the Deaf. On another, when talking about experiences that Deaf people face, he repeatedly said "we" although he is hearing. When he was talking to Mitten and I about trans* and queer issues, he repeatedly said "we" although is cisgendered and straight. Many of the minority group members I've talked to have found issue with his gratuitous use of "we" and the like. Yet, because we're all so starved for people who accept us and want to be allies, we stay silent and fail to call him out on it.

     My two cents on the whole thing is that I think his heart is in the right place. At the same time, I think his ego has become so overinflated and self-focused that he can't find his own identity outside of being an ally. Perhaps he feels less special, as he is a majority member in every area outside of religion; even then, his atheism is certainly not indicative of a powerless minority (he frequently mocks my beliefs and identity as a Christian). To me, his problematic views make him more energy than he's worth.

     I'm curious as to your experiences and views with allies and ally-related problems, especially readers who are a minority. Any thoughts?